Driver training and in car relationships part 2

Following on from the article about Transactional Analysis personality states: Parent, Adult, Child, here are some clues that might help you differentiate the different states. Again, I took this information from the book Teaching, Training and Learning by Stephen Walker and Ian Reece.

Parental state verbal clues could be:
If I were you ......
There's no question ......
That's ridiculous .......
Well done ........
This is the way to do it ......

Non verbal clues could be:
Pursed lips, wagging fingers, horrified look, pat on the back or head

The Adult state verbal clues could be:
My view is ........
In what way ........
Can you say more .........
I think .........
Why, What, Where etc.

Non verbal clues could be:
Open alertness and giving attention

The Child state verbal clues could be:
I'd like .........
I don't care ....
I can't stand ......
Now .........
Oh no ........

Non verbal clues could be:
Delight, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, laughter, raising hand to speak.

If you are trying to achieve an Adult state there will be influences from the other two states. When influenced by a Parent state, you might develop prejudices; and if influenced by a Child state this may result in phobias and delusions.
We are not psychiatrists but we should be expert communicators and we can help people by giving them what are described as 'strokes'.

• A positive stroke: 'You just did a really good turn in the road'.
• A negative stroke: 'You're hopeless.

We often seek feedback and if we cannot get positive feedback then we will invite negative feedback because it is better than feeling ignored completely. Being positive makes people feel good and they perform better when they feel good. This is why body language is so important as people will mask their feelings with words but not with their body language. Understanding body language - non-verbal and verbal clues - is an essential part of being a coach.
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If you want to know more about coaching or are looking for a course, which will help you develop and improve your skills, then contact us at Tri-Coaching Partnership. For about the price of a cup of coffee a day you can develop to your full potential and go on, like many others already have, to be amongst the most well-paid and respected trainers in your area. Remember, the journey of learning never stops.

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